To live in peace, in harmony, requires so much more than cooperation or compliance. In a world where hurt is too often a daily phenomenon, where suffering is rampant and joy more than a necessity, forgiveness matters. It is not the enunciation of phrases; it is a wholehearted acceptance of reality, acknowledgement of responsibility and relief from the harboring of negative emotions that devour the best of self. Living in peace demands the capacity for discerning the needs for offering and experiencing forgiveness.
Forgiveness has many facets; its core is love. To forgive is to release the grief of one’s own heart as much as it is to relieve the pain of another. It is not about power or justice but it is about relationships, supporting others and gently supporting the best of what is in each of us.
Forgiveness is not about becoming a doormat for someone else or accepting flagrant abuses. It is about living with boundaries, protecting self and others and consistently, constantly learning about what it means to be human. Forgiveness or opportunities to forgive are wound gently into every day. From the driver who fails to signal to the snappy response of a co-worker, there are simple moments that evoke emotional reactions. Being aware of personal emotions and handling them rather than being handled by them makes an enormous difference. That difference makes forgiveness possible.
There are whole other categories of living where forgiveness can be offered, given, shared, which are far more complex and demanding. There are the instances of betrayal, incomprehensible cruelty and injustice. To experience that, to process all the jagged edges of it, can take a lifetime. All the while, it will be about confronting the most awful parts of humanity, of recognizing the reality of behaviors and choices and dealing with layers and layers of consequences, repercussions and outcomes for the victim, the survivor, the person. It will be about naming and exploring fury and rage and then moving on towards the vivid reality of the present so as to live into the future. It is about grabbing reality, remembering, and in some way, choosing freely. Forgiveness here is about freedom from the intolerable suffering inflicted. It is about believing that there is more to life than the horrors of the past. It is about breathing deeply and trusting that the next steps forward are founded on that belief, that trust. Forgiveness is about allowing change to occur in the same way that scattered seeds crack open and bulbs come to life in gardens year after year. Forgiveness is genuine, active and viable.
Then, too, there is the need to forgive self. For each of us is no more than the others: we all have hurt, all have made mistakes, caused pain and often even failed to realize it. Here again, the sturdiness of simplicity steadies the rudder. This is all about honesty with self and accepting the limitations, faults and failures that pockmark human life. It is about wanting to change and become a better person, more human and more generous to self and to others. It is about realizing no one else can do this for you, and even so, not everyone will accept the reality you embrace.
Trinity Sunday reminds us that we are all part of something far greater than self. Forgiveness is a key part of living in companionship, in union with others, in communities and in cultures. Forgiveness is the actual action that enables us to “Mend your ways, encourage one another, agree with one another, live in peace,
and the God of love and peace will be with you”. Amen.